99 problems but my bitch ain't one

Dear ladies on my SL friendslist/Plurk timeline,

I adore you on so many levels. You're smart and witty, sweet and caring and your regular 'I'm off to take a shower' plurks make me believe you also smell good which is perfect. And even though you're all unique as little snowflakes, you have one thing in common: you should be banned from the SL marketplace for lifetime. Don't get me wrong, I love logging on and seeing inventory offers but your bad habit of using my plurks against me by buying something completely inappropriate needs to stop.

Noirran, I still thank you deeply for the humiliation of sending me the appropriate attire to support the Japanese national team during the Football Worldcup. I guess I needn't point out that my loving family in either life happily shouts out 'Hiro, it's your turn' whenever there's a stripper pole in sight. Not to mention the wonderful reminder to keep my loud mouth shut which you sent me. I apologize for not having taken a picture so far.

Kali, thank you for my RezDay gift which is so embarrassing that I'll probably never ever use it in a picture unless the evil one in my partnerbox plans a new exhibition at The Dominion Femdom. Thank you!

Gabi, that one week of pink on flickr was bad enough for my self-esteem. My plurk about me running out of ideas and mostly pink attire in my inventory was reason enough for you to run straight to the marketplace and make it all worse. Thank you!

Sylvia, your gift made last year's Christmas unforgettable. Santa Claus will never be the same again for me and I blame heavily traumatized flickr contacts turning into Grinches the next years only on your mad shopping skills. Thank you!

Phoebe, you showed some skills when you sent me a stripper cake for my RezDay. But what happened to the promised stripper? That was more than half-assed - FAIL!

Last but not least ... Katiya!

You, too? Seriously? You always had a special place in my heart. Your good morning (cozy) and good afternoon (dance) through my timeline had become an integral part of my daily life on the internet. The fact that you shamelessly used a very private plurk against me for your own personal entertainment is deeply disappointing. Shame on you, get in line with the other backstabbers, please. And I even humped a cupcake for you!

Ladies, you suck so badly at gifting that I'm resorting to my boring but safe 'good morning' and 'my suitcase is missing' plurk habit to maintain a last bit of inventory sanity.

Gone fishing,

Hair: Uw.St
Skin: [ DNA ]
Coverall: 19 MOTORCYCLE
Boots: *FIR & MNA*

Location: Lusiadas


  1. Your mock indignation makes me giggle like schoolgirl...teehee.

  2. That's why some of my birthday gifts are still boxed in my inv... I just don't dare to open them.

  3. I might stay afk for some days. Or weeks. Until enough notices have accumulated to make my IMs cap and I can pretend I haven't seen that shitload of inv offers I got last night.

  4. Thank you, Cuntstance, I'm happy to see you're still lonely, greedy for attention and in the stalking business. <3

  5. I need to take a lesson from all the other girls and find something strange...errr...nice to send you XD

  6. LOL, Middy, go spam him, he lurvs it.

  7. Awww...but I luvs my candy! :( Wait...when have you given me candy?

  8. I feel the love and care and more love.. So thoughtful of you Tak, to post those links: I can only hope they will provide some support for the lesser trolling gnomes of this world.

    You guys are so damn good for this world, I think it's about time to rip out that perfect gift, M, and show it off! It would be the perfect example of just how lovely you are when wearing that :D. I know you're saving it for the absolute perfect moment.. and this might just be it. Or one of them. *bats lashes*

    - hmm you were the one sending me that magazine right, that had me fapping right in a busy store? -

  9. First of all I'd like to thank Doctor Love for caring about my favorite bitch, I mean my future ex-wife!

    Second, Kiya... sweetheart! That gift was so precious that I hoped to save it for a very private moment. You, me, the gift and the leg thing. Good times!

    And I know absolutely nothing about any magazine.


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